Winter Break. /Reflect

This by far has been the toughest winter break and Christmas holiday I've ever experienced. For those of you guys who I have spoken with, thanks for being there for me and hearing me out at a time like this.

My uncle, Martin Low, passed away this past Christmas Eve from a massive heart attack. None of us saw this coming and were quite shocked when we got the call. Martin left behind his wife and two daughters who are the same age as myself and my younger sister. You can imagine the toll it took on my family. Martin was the same age as my parents and he was gone in a blink of an eye.

It was amazing to see family rush to each other at a time like this. East Coast, West Coast, same town, or a couple states over... all my aunts, uncles, cousins and close family friends dropped everything they were doing on Christmas Eve to either rush to the ER where my aunt and two cousins were, or to the nearest airport in this ridiculous snowstorm to get to Chicago as soon as possible. In such a sad state, it was such a blessing to see how strong love really is, especially on Christmas Eve.

Although the past few days have definitely been an emotional roller coaster, it made me take inventory of the things I value most. My family here at home, and my other family in my other home. My best friends, girlfriend, big brothers/sisters, little brother/sisters. I know I said I want to overflow more next year, and I want to add to my resolution that I learn to love more. You never know when something can disappear, and should try to cherish it as much as possible.

For my own sake, I'm leaving what I wrote into the guestbook for my Uncle here. Just a little something to remember him by for myself. I hope you like it. :)

"I do not know how I have managed to remember something like this but I do. When my family and I still used to live in Illinois, our neighborhood was next to Alyssa, Alex, Auntie Jane, and Uncle Martin's. There was this occasion where I was angry with the babysitter so I decided to run away. I hopped on my bike and jetted straight for the Low house because even if Alyssa and Alex weren't there and I had no one to play with, Uncle Martin would be.

Uncle Martin's comic involvement in my social life reached an all time high when my mom and Hilary were staying in Chicago. At that time, he had just learned how to text message. Whether I was talking on the phone with my mom, or it was just my mom sharing what was going on in my life, I was one of Martin's texting guinea pigs. If my mom and I were having an argument or debate, he would text "Listen to your mother!" while I was on the phone with her or on more poorly timed occasions he would text to ask me about a girl and inquire the date of the wedding when the aforementioned girl was in possession of my cell phone and intercepted the text.

With an exception for my dad, my family has a knack for crashing on the Low household. Hilary and my mom lived there for nearly a year, and I spent three summers there. THREE SUMMERS! I'm really surprised Uncle Martin didn't get sick of me. If I was him, I definitely would have gotten sick of me. Instead he would joke that he was lucky because he would have all the perks of having a son with little to no hassle. He didn't have to worry about my schooling, and whenever he saw me talking or hanging out with a girl, he would never have to give me one of those father/son, man to man talks. I will sorely miss Uncle Martin and his comic insight in to my life."

Choreo... Why I Overflow

So I've actually never used my blogs to target a certain group, but I felt like writing this here instead of an email. To my dearest OverFLOWERS, I hope you read this, and can see through me a little bit more. To those of you reading this who aren't in Overflow, I hope you guys get a little understanding for why I Overflow for the Lord.

Overflow isn't just about the message in the piece that we life up to God, and hope others will hear and digest. Dave has said this a dozen times, and Jason before him, that Overflow is more than a ministry. It's a lifestyle. While we pour ourselves out through dance to worship God, we should also be pouring ourselves out in our families, church, friends, relationships, work, and whatever else it is that we do.

People inside and outside of Overflow have said that we've become more performance driven, that we are more DANCE and less MINISTRY. While I partially agree with this statement, I agree from the point of view that we as a ministry needs to spend more time in prayer. Some of you guys have said we don't spend enough time in prayer during practices like we used to, and I am sorry, and I promise we will definitely be spending more time praying together this upcoming year. But... that should NOT stop your relationship between prayer and Overflow. This lifestyle is 24/7. It doesn't mean we just pray and Overflow on Mondays, Saturdays, and on stage.

It's tough, I promise you that. And any on of the leaders will tell you that we have the hardest time trying to continually embody this and were sorry if you catch us in one of our down moments. But back to the point, While some may say that Overflow has become more DANCE than MINISTRY, I don't see the difference. It's not just about the messages that we want to send through our skits. While Overflow definitely aims to embody family and fellowship, there is a personal level to it. The dance is our personal worship. Every move, every angle, every isolation... we should be pouring out our utmost for His highest. Every time we do a run through or learn a dance, it's more than motions in which we learn or rehearse. Every single time we do it, it's worship. Think about it like when you're at a revival or even Sunday service, where we yell with arms high and hearts abandoned... that's how I feel about Overflow. Every single thing we do, should be because God fills us, and we pour out.

That brings me to choreography. I love choreography. You could have asked me last year about it, and I would have told you I'm petrified of it and that I will NEVER do it. That it's really scary and that I'm really nervous about how it turns out or how people will view it. It's not about that though. I love choreography because just like how we pour ourselves out into learning the dance, I throw all my energy and every inch of my body into worship. I find so much joy (lee? :D) from choreography. It's like free flowing body worship that I get to share with you, my brothers and sisters in Overflow, and you (you guys that watch us and support us).

All this being said, this is my new years resolution. That no matter how dry I feel, that God will continually use me to OVERFLOW and pour out in to others and in to whatever it is that He has planned for me this upcoming year.

O-Show Choreo COMMENCE!

P.S. Mark it down in your calendars. O-Show is April 9th, 2011!!! Be excited and please pray for us! :)

A Day Living in Maryland... (With No Sailboats =\)

It's amazing how while I do not consider Maryland my home, I still end up crashing when I get here. Without fail every semester for the past three semesters, I have came to this house and end up passing out for 10 hours at a time with 3+ hour naps. To me home is somewhere I find comfort, and without a doubt that is Philly. I have people who I find comfort in, a church that I call home, and many other things. I guess it's such a blessing to remember that, while I fight and bicker with my parents, and yell at them to stop smothering me, and all these other ridiculous things, I still find home in my parents.

I visited my parents church today for the second time in two years. I guess I really don't come back and visit them enough. It's so easy to tell that my parents are lonely without me and my sibling going at it and trying to kill each other for the last snack in the fridge. The first two things my mom said to me when they picked me up from the train station were "Zip up your coat," and "Buckle your seatbelt." Man... I really felt like I was in the fifth grade again.

But I digress, back to visiting my parents church today. It's a really nice church... although, I don't remember the name. The pastor was really nice and he came up and shook my hand. We spoke for a good 10-15 mins about where I goto school/church/ stuff about Philly. I loved the message and what he had to say. He was speaking about personal relationships. Relationships with our spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, close friends, and most importantly God. It was a reminder message that in a personal relationship, the more personal the relationship, the less control you have over yourself. So the more intimate we become with God, it means we are giving more of ourselves

While I am really enjoying spending time with my family, and even the really laid back and spoiled lifestyle here, it's already been a day and a half, and I'm missing Philly. I think this break is reaffirming that I don't want to come back here after school is over. I need a city with more things to do, places to be, and people to see, be it Philly, or wherever God leads me.

Boundaries: In the Spirit of Finals

So I asked Pastor Dave a while back for some recommended reading that I could do in addition to my devotionals and something I could go through with Jo. Out of the list he gave me, we decided to tackle Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend together. Cloud and Townsend talk about the different types of boundaries and for the sake of this post, the one I want to focus on is time.

"Taking time off from a person, or a project, can be a way of regaining ownership over some out-of-control aspect of your life where boundaries need to be set."

Further into it, Cloud and Townsend bring up how investing time into people and projects are usually a good thing, over dedication can lead to obsession. Stepping away to regain control of yourself in terms of your identity in people or project is needed.

Ecclesiastes 3:5-6

"A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing."

This is my feeble attempt to set a boundary for myself so that I am not overwhelmed by the one hundred plus pages that need to be written by the end of this week. My time to regain a little sanity and spend it with Him, and not talking on the phone, sitting in front of GChat, or playing a game of Starcraft to get my mind off things. A sister reminded me earlier this week during Overflow practice how easy it is to lose ourself in our studies and not in God during the season of finals which is ironic because its almost Christmas.

I encourage you guys to try setting a small boundary for yourself as well :). Five minutes out of a study break or something. Good luck with finals and/or prep for them! We're almost done guys!

Gobble Gobble Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving guys! Thanksgiving is so different this year. First off it is a lot louder, and there are grade schoolers running around my living room chasing each other with turkey on their forks. Second, what used to be just my family and one other family has turned into 18 people in our house with a majority I don't know. Yea, I'm a spoiled brat who wishes for some consistency in my Thanksgiving this year haha. Regardless, I am still really thankful for a lot of things and people this year. I know a lot of them don't read this but hey whatever, I just want to put it out there! :)

Family- I love my family. Parents, sibling, cousins, the whole nine yards. You guys are awesome, and together we make such and awesome team hehehe.

O-Family- My other family! I love you guys so much. Our crazy hail week practices, our random outings. Karaoke at karaoke or karaoke in the car and serenading the girls while we drop them off at their dorms. We are truly awesome and I love every moment we spend together whether I'm really cranky in the morning or we're just being completely ridiculous and wacky. You guys bless me in so many ways and I don't think I tell you guys that enough <3

The Tripod!- I think we may have sprouted another leg this year but regardless, I love you guys. Our Halo-ing, our random talks, and stupid things that we do. You guys got my back even when I'm completely stressed and out of my mind. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. You guys are there at all times!

The Tasty Noms Crusaders (real nickname pending)- haha we only just started having our dinners, and our random midnight movie premiere outings, but I feel a need to list you guys in here. You guys are the part of life that keeps me sane during school/stress/whatever is bugging me. Cooking, splurging on food, getting fat, and watching movies. It's a feel good kind of thing we got going and I love experimenting with food and sharing food/ conversations/ our lives with each other! :D Let's keep it going!

The Joon- I love you man. I legit love you no homo. We've been through so much and I love how no matter how much time has passed we always call each other to keep up and share. I know you always got my back no strings attached.

The Meena- My confidante. Meena I love how we just have our random conversations all these years and how we find joy by living through each other vicariously at times! I'm so happy I've gotten to see so much more of you this year. It makes me happy that we are able to keep up with each other more :).

The Cabinet- Haha you guys know who you are. You guys are my advisors, and some of my closest friends. We talk all the time about everything and nothing, and we share prayer requests. You put up with my random rants, and we watch each other grow as time goes on :). I cherish you guys a lot for the talks we have and the time we've spent jamming, watching shows/movies, totally bumming around. :D. Love you all!

and saving the best for last!!!!!!..

The Girlfriend- haha yes I am a sap and I am mad cheesy for putting you last on this list, and yes, I already have told you today how thankful I am for you and why I am thankful for you. Jo, you're are one of my best friends and we definitely have been through a lot together. We've seen each other at our best and our worst... at least so far hehe. I love the way we can be completely honest with one another about pretty much anything. We are pretty freaking awesome <3.

... okay I'm not completely done.

A Prayer of Thanks.

God, You've been moving like crazy in my life this semester. Yea there have been a lot of rough patches but I've definitely learned so much this term. I've learned about You, about me, and my faith, and what I need to do to grow and evolve. Recently, You've taught me a little more about how to stress less about life, and my relationships with others and that as long as I single mindedly (<-- yes I realize that's not a word.)and whole heartedly look to you, You will deliver me from whatever is bothering me. You constantly deliver great things in to my life and You deliver me from evil. I love you.

Amen! I hope all of you guys got fat and can't move!

Send Me A Sign, A Hint, O Whisper

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!!!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!!!!

More and more, I find myself going back to the basics. Someone called me out on it for not growing because of reviewing it, but I think there's always something more by going back and listening to what He has to say each time :). There's so much uncertainty and doubt in life sometimes... scratch that... ALL THE TIME. Our school, work, relationships, and future... whatever it may be. Somewhere deep down, it eats at all of us and for me it bugs the living daylights out of me.

When I start to worry about things, my mind kind of kicks into overdrives and starts snowballing.

Why am I so impatient?

What is going to happen next?

Why can't I just be the better man and love this person?

Where do I draw the line?

Why can't I just be a little more understanding and sympathetic towards others?

How come I feel really selfish when I'm being told otherwise?

How come there are so many contradictions going on in my head?

All the little things look so big from down here. And yea I sound a little neurotic but as I prayed, I felt like God was smacking me upside the head and telling me that I'm not asking for the right things. "Try again," He says. Sometimes whats necessary is the basics so one can rebuild oneself within Him. Character revamp lets go!

At the Top of My Lungs

i want to go somewhere i can just rest my head a little bit.

somewhere i can yell, scream, curse, and no one can hear me.

somewhere with water so that the noises around me drown out my voice and my head.

why am i worrying so much?

instead of praying for more faith so i stop worrying, im praying for answers. fail.

Move

Move! Get up! Budge! Onwards! Go! Run! Sometimes it's so hard to just make myself move. Whether it be in my relationships, my work, or my passions, I always have that little problem of taking one foot and consistently placing it in front of the other. Even in terms of dance, why is it so hard sometimes to tell myself to move? I've heard some discouraging things about dance ministries and some specifically regarding Overflow. "What's the point of it?", "Why do you dance?", "I don't understand the skit?", and the worst of all "I'm just not blessed by watching them." While I shouldn't be dwelling on the last one, I feel like I need to remind myself why I dance and who in specifically I dance for. I am NOT going to get discouraged, and I am NOT going to worry for I know God will deliver me to the places he wants me to get to. It's just a matter waiting upon Him and letting it happen.

That's why this year, my goal for myself and for Overflow is that we truly let ourself express our praise and worship through dance. To be totally immersed in Him and to let our movements show how passionate our praise is. You don't have to get it, but hopefully you can see that the reason why I dance, we dance, is because there is someone moving in us. That's why we're Overflow. As He who never stops pouring into us continually invests and blesses us, we will always be pouring ourselves out into those around us that our bodies, minds, and spirits overflow through prayer, fellowship, and motions. This is just the beginning. I pray to see God move us in miraculous ways this year and especially as we prepare for the Passion Revival in two weeks.

Block

You know that feeling when you have something weighing you down? It doesn't necessarily have to be a big thing burdening you, it could be just a small thought thats on your brain and you need to get it out by telling someone. Well that's how I've been feeling lately. This problem is partially my own fault as well... I mean I haven't blogged or actually written anything down in over two months, so maybe that's why my brain feels heavy with all these thoughts that have not been properly stored within a notebook or online.

So here I am again, laying out my brain here and there so I might be able to think a little more clearly for this upcoming school year and what else God has in store for me. I promise that this time, I'll write more for my sake, and to entertain you (hopefully) a little bit. :)

Now hopefully, I can clear my head out in time to finish this choreography, and final project that I have to get done this week. -__-. Wish me luck!~

On Track... I Think...

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, this is my last post on this blog... for now :P. I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting as of late, so here are a few questions I've been asking myself.

1) What on earth is wrong with me?!?! I know that is a vague, yet somewhat comical question, but in all seriousness, life has been so smooth and rough at the same time, that honestly, I feel all over the place. Socially and academically, things have just been kind of blah. When I say blah, I do not mean that its non-existent, but rather I do not know how to feel about it.

2) To be honest, I could not remember the reason why I made this blog. I had to sit down last night and today and think about what and why I have been writing on this blog since the end of 2008. While it literally was the Winter Break of 2008, its been only about a year that I've been posting, yet knowing that it is 2010, makes it feel like it has been way over a year since I started this. Upon looking back to my first few blog posts, I remembered that I was writing because I wanted to journal my thoughts while at the same time analyzing and trying to learn more about myself. But this week, for the first time in my life, I honestly had no idea what I was doing with myself. Not as in I was morally conflicted about what I was doing but rather my motivation behind things as well how I felt about the way things are going. Please note I am not saying things are going bad in any way or form, I just have lost my mind and don't know how I feel about things and thus apologize if I have seemed uncaring as of late.

These two things brought me to the conclusion... actually epiphany is a better word... but yes, these two things brought me to the realization that even while I try to understand myself, I will never really understand myself the way I want to. My motivations, desires (aside from my desire for God), will always be changing. And with these changes come new challenges and thoughts up ahead.

Upon this realization, the name of this blog has lost its significance to me for now and thus I am going to start a new one. I hope that the few followers I have will follow me there, and hopefully instead of me ranting, complaining or stating things that may be obvious to you and not yet by me, that you will find something of use or inspiration there. So CHEERS, here's to a new chapter and God Bless!

http://holdonehope.blogspot.com

Take the Lead

There's something about dance that can't really be put in to words. I love dance. The way you can learn things about people just from dancing with them or watching them dance without even talking with them. Dance can tell you some things about people that words would never tell you. It can even tell you things about yourself that you didn't know. By no stretch am I good at tango yet, but one thing I have respect for are the guys that do it. You have to be bold and conscious about the connection you have with your partner, and the signals you give with your body so that your partner can follow your lead. It does wonders for self confidence and I definitely feel better about myself even though I was tripping all over the floor at the Milonga and was nervous because everyone around me was so good. It's safe to say that I'm in love with dance. Granted I'm not even that good at it, but I love the connection with it and the emotion behind it. It could be as simple as leading a girl around a gym to a tango, or something as special as praising God in body worship. I love the expression it allows me and the fact that it can say the things that I'm no good at articulating. I love it. :) I think it's fair to say if I date a girl, she's got to be able to dance.... actually that sounds bad. It doesn't matter if shes good at it or not, she's also gotta have a love for it too... or something like that haha :P

Cards on the Table...

Some of y'all just need to mind your own business and shut up... just sayin

Curveball

God always keeps me on my toes. The moment I get used to the way things are, even if it is something that hasn't been defined yet, He throws me something new to tackle. This time, I feel like the message is " MAN UP!" I feel like right now is the time to show myself and others how much I have changed and grown in these few years. I refuse to be childish this time. This has got to be a test, and God by all means I will tackle this head on because with You, I don't have to worry. I know You will handle everything. On towards the head on collision! I guess it is time for a little interference ;-) hahaha. The interference references are soooo much fun! ^_^

Retreat

Yea, I'm not at retreat either. For those of you who I haven't told, my grandfather passed away this past Monday from pneumonia. He was already in bad shape and has been for years. Thankfully enough he became Christian six years back and is now safely with our Father. I'm in Chicago right now because the funeral was this past Saturday and my aunts, uncles, and parents wanted to postpone it so all the grandchildren could fly home from college and work to be together. While the circumstances have not been so bright, this funeral has been such a blessing. Even though I'm not at retreat with all you guys, I definitely had a retreat of my own, and I'm coming home with new things that need digesting, a few convictions, and things that I've learned about myself and what I want.

My grandpa was a really loving and caring man. He managed to get out of communist China and go to Hong Kong and eventually America, then call for his wife, five daughters and son in Mississippi. From there they eventually moved to Chicago. My grandpa was a chef in a restaurant and spent long hours working to provide for his family. Six kids and a wife to provide for... the thought still baffles me. He sacrificed so much, so he could give to his family, and his joy was in the happiness of his children's dreams and his wife.

I never really thought about how good I had it as a kid. While our parents worked, our grandparents took care of me, my sister, and anywhere from two to four other cousins, so our parents could work and provide. When I think about my grandfather's life, he never really stopped giving. The thought in itself is just so humbling. God willing, if I get to have a wife and children, I would truly like to have as much love in it as my grandfather loved his children and their children. I never thought about how much love there is in my extended family. I truly view my cousins as siblings and being with them is so refreshing and fun. I know I don't get to see them all the time but it's truly amazing to see God working all over the place as he works in and through us.

The one thing I'm taking back to Philly with, is love. At the funeral home, I got the opportunity to see so many old faces. Kids I grew up with in VBS, my old sunday school teacher, the Chinese grandma, that used to babysit me and my cousins, and so many more people. After having the lunch after the funeral, I got to sit in on their stories and hear how God played through all of them and brought many of them together. When hearing their stories, I couldn't help but think to myself how perfectly the stories turned out and how God did all of these things. I think, that after these past few years in college, I've lost focus of loving others and taking care of the people around me. I've been so focused on myself and my relationship with God that I have not opened myself up to all the people God is using around me.

I know it's really weird to say this, but while I was looking for retreat to really kick me into gear for this year and spring semester, this funeral and time spent with family and friends, is what I really needed. Cards on the table, I was kind of angry with God at first that I couldn't go to retreat (childish I know). But He does everything for a reason, and with that, I think I'm ready to get the ball rolling this semester. Let's go guys! :)

Sunday Morning and Decisions, Decisions

So I had this post idea running around in my head since Sunday, but I just never found the time or motivation to actually pound away at my keyboard until now. :D

This is my mash up. Well not really, because to be honest, there is no music involved with this post except that I'm going to post a youtube link for a song because i like it at the end.

I call this my mash up because the two song titles popped into my head on Sunday morning as I was running around getting stuff done. Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 and Decisions, Decisions by The Starting Line. Both songs are at least four years old, but thats irrelevant. This past Sunday, was really packed with social obligations, church, and pretty much just meeting up before this semester kicked off. It started with a friend asking to go out to dim sum. I ended up being late to GCC's Sunday service and had rushed to get to University City to make it. After service I spent the day hanging out with Temple people that I haven't spent time with in a long time. As I was rushing around in the morning I felt God telling me that I would have to make decisions this semester that would stretch me as a person. As the day closed with going out to dinner with some Temple underclassmen, I realized that even though I am going to UC for church, I still love and miss the people at Temple.

This is my mash up because I feel like the decisions that God will lay out before me this semester will make me decide what I want to do or where I want to go. But it occurred to me that the third option of trying to fit it all in was a viable one.

So this semester, I plan on being there. Trying to fit as much as I can into the time that I have, and see where that leads me :) I want to be there for you, and you, and you, and you! You get the picture :D

As for the song I wanted to post, it's entitled Analyze by Tim Be Told. Enjoy!

Going Going Gone

This year, I'm going to:

hit the ground running
not look back
take initiative
not let things slip past me
do better
over think less
love more
worry less

and just go with it