I'm No Superman

To an extent, I know most of you guys have this little problem. When we see someone in need of help, we HAVE to help them out. It happens especially with friends, people we like, or even people we don't like like that. Sometimes we sacrifice so much in order to help these people, we lose track of ourselves. We might slip up with school stuff, other people, work, or maybe even God? Pretty much, we throw ourselves in harms way for that person. It's very much a jump now, think later mentality. It could be out of justice, a conflict between your moral code and the issue at hand. It could even be out of love whether it's platonic or romantic. Either way, we consistently, and almost without fail, continue to jump in front of trains, and take bullets for these people. If the superhero reference is too nerdy for you, then I suggest looking up Bruno Mars' song, Grenade, on YouTube.

I've always known it as the Superhero Complex, but others might know it as the White Knight Syndrome. Regardless, due to my love for superheroes and comic book characters, I'll stick to my superhero complex.

Having been raised by a bunch of girls in middle and high school because of figure skating and speed skating, I was always thought to think of the girl first. If an older sister started complaining about her guy problems, chances were that little Matthew was sitting around for the girl talk. These talks always ended in the same fashion. "Matt, when you date, or hell even if you're not dating the girl, always think of her first. Treat her like this *insert random situation here*." Thus began the rigorous conditioning of being taught to always hold the door for girls, do nice things for them and more. Call it my hero or knight training if you will.

Things like these seemed harmless at first. Whether you want it to or not, and more often than not, feeling develop. Especially as we grow older, thoughts and desires to enter into relationships, date, and court people get stronger. You would think that with age comes wisdom, but our actions end up becoming more and more misunderstood. As much as it sucks, I guess things get to a point where you need to pull in the reigns and kind of cut people off or out of your life. Now, I'm not saying to ignore them, but if you feel like you're leading them on unintentionally, then maybe you gotta kill the complex a little bit for their sake and your self preservation. For me, I'm starting to realize that I need to focus a lot more. It's like a sister told me this weekend, "You can't save everyone."

Maybe the key is to focus on certain people? Your best friends, your family, maybe the person you're interested in? Instead of spreading yourself thin and wearing yourself out so much, maybe what's needed is to focus on whats right in front of you. It'll cultivate richer relationships in those areas and hopefully growth emotionally, and most importantly spiritually.

I guess it's time to focus, and be a little wiser (yes I mean that in the GCC context). As we enter into the next stages of our lives, I think focus is something that's needed, especially for me. I can't continue to be like a loose cannon trying to do all these things. I'm no Superman.

P.S. I just love this photo and thought I'd share it. And for the record, any girl that would allow this at a wedding is the coolest girl in the world. I wish I could do something like this. Just saying! :P

Pushing the Button

I think I'm getting soft. I was just telling someone that I'm used to doing things my own way and not caring too much about what people think about what I do, or how they react, and then I proceeded to say I wouldn't blog something that's been on my mind for a while because I didn't want to offend anyone. So thanks to that little wake up call from a certain friend (let's just call her Jenny), I'm going to write to my hearts content.

When things get bad, we usually tend to take inventory of whats good and bad around us. Whether its clutter in our room and stuff needs to be thrown into a box and trashed, bad habits that need to stop, unhealthy relationships with friends and family, or just self reflecting in order to try and improve ourselves, we look around and inside ourselves. We take a peek at whats helping and whats hurting us and the process begins.

Cleaning up is hard. You see this HUGE mess in front of you and being to plunge headfirst to tackle the problem at hand. Sometimes we bite off more than we can handle. We get discouraged by the amount of mess, and stop. Sometimes we just let it sit there and let the mess revert to what it always was or what it was before. Just a ... mess. We can't let the comfort of the past slow us down. If something needs cleaning or fixing, then just clean or fix it! Growth doesn't take place by just sitting in the past and staring at it half contently. Just keep swimming! The change is a good thing. Even if the planned change doesn't work out, the fact that you attempted it and continue to constructively look for ways to better your surrounding, or you yourself, the change is good.

NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER. If something is hurting you, you don't sit there and let it continue to pain you. You fix it. If something is broken, the obvious course of action is to repair that broken piece, and if that fails, then you replace it. Sometimes the new thing is completely new, without a hint of any past presence being there. Sometimes, its just a modified past that is making its way to improvement. Regardless of the two, it's still something new. New is always better. Whether its a change of pace, attitude, motives, friendships, or relationships, if it's not helping you, then something internal or external needs to change. New is always better. We CAN'T let the comfort of the past stop us from evolving. We HAVE to push forward and keep questioning things in order for us grow. Much like our walk with Christ, we CAN'T let ourselves grow content in some of the ruts that we are in.

So push the button, let's get going. You deserve it. Push the button. New is ALWAYS better.

Starry Eyed

I have a confession to make. I've opened up my blogspot pretty much every day this past week, clicked to a new post, started typing, then closed the tab and go back to doing whatever it was I was going before. I guess I couldn't just get a grasp for what I wanted to say. Staring blankly, as my fingers hit the keys, nothing seemed to sound right, or have much meaning to it. I felt kind of like I was just writing to write, and when I do that, I don't feel very accomplished because its like crapping out a paper in class just to get it done.

For those of you who know me well, you know that it has been until recently, the majority of this month has been a living hell for me. So many things, that I felt like it was time for a change of pace, scenery, or whatever you want to call it. I kind of retracted into myself just to do some reflection and recharging, and for the most part it's been good. I'm enjoying the quality time with friends, the jam sessions, the tennis, the talks, the climbing of roofs, the fooding, and the dancing has all been great fun. I guess its the combination of these activities, and my extrovertedness that's bringing me back to life so to speak. I'm so blessed by the friends I have too. You guys know who you are. Whether its saying that a tornado wouldn't stop you from visiting/ catching up with me, making owl noises/ being awesome and ridiculous, or even just rambling on about different things into the late hours of the night after I said I was going to bed two hours ago, its the little things that make me so thankful for you guys. You truly are making my summer so far :).

I'm totally stealing this from someone's blog post, but for the rest of summer, God willing of course, this summer is going to be all about me. Time to reflect, regroup, let loose and figure out where to go from here. I kind of have a vague idea of what I want, but hey you never know. It'll just have to play out. Time to stop blankly staring, and look forward. The ice is melting, time to flash forward and get moving... and oi this shall be fun! :)

Bring It In

It's time for me to bring it in. It's a very vague statement I know, but it's something that's been on my mind for a while. You can either agree or disagree with this next statement, but I feel like I'm kind of a floater. I can't stay in one place for too long, and its very true with the people I associate myself. I mean, I definitely have my close circle of friends and what not, but when I think about it, I've always been the kind of guy who was more spread out in terms of being social instead of solely focused on one group or a few certain people.

To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, I'll have to take you back to high school. In Chicago when I was in high school, I was a competitive figure skater that would spend about 3-4 hours on ice, 1-2 at the gym, and go to class every day. On top of this schedule, I somehow managed to play tennis my freshman year, participate on the chess team, play in the ping pong club, and somehow land myself in detention for finding my way up to the roof of my high school.

In Jersey, I was doing track, serving/ playing on band for youth group, playing chess, in the business club, in the Christian club, all the Asian culture clubs, and still had time to play hacky sack with the kids outside after school was out ( Don't judge me! Hacky sack is awesome!).

I've always been able to kind of mingle with numerous groups and get along with people, and while it's been awesome getting to know so many different people and to experience so many different things, there are definite downsides. While I get to surround myself with so many things, there is no commitment to that one group, and thus some of those BIG and AWESOME moments are lost on me and I never got to fit into just one group. It's sad sometimes hearing your friends talk about an awesome time and then they ask how come you weren't there. Please note that this isn't me saying that I feel not included in any way or form :P.

I guess, I've been spreading myself thin in so many different directions these past years, and now I'm realizing that I have people who are more prominent and important in my life, and that I should bring it in (get it? :P), and focus on the time spent with these people. I still love meeting new people, and experiencing new things, but it's definitely time to refocus and balance some things in my life. So let's bring it in :).

P.S. this choreo is sick!!!!

Something Epic

So, looking for a job in the middle of summer, when all you want to do is play definitely sucks. I know I posted a while back about what I wanted to do this summer. Those are the plans, the tangible goals or expectations I set / want for myself this summer, or want to tackle with you guys :)! HOWEVER, in attempt to aim beyond that to something really vague, I want these things, or these hang outs, meet ups, or random bouts of froclicking to be something epic. Not epic as in, "Dude, we were totally gone last night" or something that is super funny or stupid, but one of those things that define the time that you spent together. I'm having a little trouble trying to describe this fully, but the best picture I can give you, would be to those of you guys who watch How I Met Your Mother. Ted's always aiming for those stories that you can always tell, and that you'll always remember as you and your friends get older. I want some good old clean fun, that, aside from God, defines your relationships with your friends.

So in the romantic spirit of summer, whether its fun, stupid, random, here, or somewhere far away, cheers to aiming for something epic these next few weeks ;). Let's make it memorable! (in a good way :P)

GAME ON!

*tangent* this video/choreo has been stuck on my mind all week. I love this song, and really want to learn this piece :D

There and Back Again, and Again, and Again

Bonus points to the nerds that get the title of this post!

I finally am able to blog here, HURRAY! After traveling around China for about two weeks, I am back in Hong Kong, for a few days before heading home! There are two things I've been dying to blog about over the past weeks and I've had the words written out in my head for a while. I'm going to tackle this in two posts, starting with my trip :). Pictures will come later because I'm on a public computer and can't hook my camera into it nor is there wifi here so I can't upload from my iPad. ANYWAYS...

Here's what I've been up to. I left Philly on May 8th after finishing all my finals and projects, and headed to Maryland. From there, I left to DC on the 9th to pick up my sibling, and connected to JFK airport and had a 5 hour layover. From JFK, I went straight to Hong Kong :D! After chilling and shopping there for a few days, the chaos began. We left for Shanghai after three days in HK, and proceeded to one of the craziest tours I've ever been on. For the next week or so, I got to explore a different city almost every day. I forget the order because I don't have the itinerary on hand. So in no specific order... Shanghai, Suzhou, Nanzhou, Hangzhou, Wuxi, Wushan, and Nanjing. There I got to experiences LOTS of food, sights and shopping. Jade, pearl, silk, tea, and clay factories. It was all really cool to see. Each night we got put up in a nice hotel with awesome views too! :D The last leg of the tour was the best. Our group got to climb up Yellow Mountain, which is the place they filmed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and the view was amazing. It was supposed to rain but instead I was blessed with clear sunny skies and got to take some AMAZING pictures! Coming back from Yellow Mountain sucked though. After coming down from the mountain, we proceeded to take an overnight train back to Shanghai. It was a twelve our trip, and the train SUCKED! It was really cramped with no air, so I was bunking with my three cousins, and the bathroom was one of the worst I've encountered while being here.

Luckily after that, things started looking up again. We spent two days in Shanghai after that, just shopping around on our own before heading to Guangzhou. By far, I love Guangzhou food the best and the shopping there was awesome. Touristy things aside, the most memorable part of being in Guangzhou was the 72 Soldier Memorial. I don't know how to say it in Chinese so don't judge me :P! While the memorial itself was interesting to see, it was the meaning behind being there that was the most important. In 1949, my dad's parents left China to come to the States. They had to go to Guangzhou to get their papers in order and file them so they could leave the country. Upon stopping in Guangzhou, my grandma and her parents and siblings took a picture at the bridge in front of the 72 Soldier Memorial all lining up from oldest to youngest. The picture was their last time together in China. With our ten family members present, we reenacted the picture with the people there. It was so cute to see my grandma and great aunt happily crying and thinking about all the things that have happened since they left China and came back. It was really touching and moving :). Anyways, that was yesterday, and now I am back in Hong Kong for a few days before heading home. While this trip has been awesome, I am super homesick and am ready for all the fun times to start with all you people that I miss dearly! There is dancing, food, drinks, and pictures to be had!

Second Post that's on my brain is to come soon! :)

Operation: Summer 2011!

WARNING! THIS IS MY MOST FAIL BLOG POST IN TERMS OF GRAMMAR! DONT JUDGE ME! :P

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what up annapolis, maryland! (view from outside my room :D)

I just got to maryland this afternoon and am heading out tomorrow morning to hong kong for three weeks!!! expect tons of pictures of amazing places, beautiful views, and any random crap my cousins and i find amusing along the way ;).

i get back June 1st then its back to philly a day or two later for a fashion photoshoot! (woot woot! jenny im expecting you to second shoot with me :P). after that its all up in the air! i have two things on my mind for summer. 1) find a job 2)bucket list. since i dont wanna bore you about job details and i dont really want to talk about it, lets get to the exciting bucket listing for summer 2011!!! :D

- wedding choreo! pretty much done tho
- oflow/ami choreo!
- summer oflow!
- put up my photography website :D
- dance dance dance
- koresh koresh koresh!!!
- tennis
- jam sessions on the art museum steps!
- take lots of pictures! ( aside from random shoots, i kinda need guinea pigs for
photoshoots! let me know if youre interested hehe)

- read/write more

- explore new restaurants and shiny places

and to end summmer...!

- chicago in august with jojo for my cousins wedding and to see family :)

PEACE OUT UNDERGRAD! helllloooooooooo summer! lets do thissssss!

P.S. if youre in philly for summer, lets meet up! :)