I'm No Superman

To an extent, I know most of you guys have this little problem. When we see someone in need of help, we HAVE to help them out. It happens especially with friends, people we like, or even people we don't like like that. Sometimes we sacrifice so much in order to help these people, we lose track of ourselves. We might slip up with school stuff, other people, work, or maybe even God? Pretty much, we throw ourselves in harms way for that person. It's very much a jump now, think later mentality. It could be out of justice, a conflict between your moral code and the issue at hand. It could even be out of love whether it's platonic or romantic. Either way, we consistently, and almost without fail, continue to jump in front of trains, and take bullets for these people. If the superhero reference is too nerdy for you, then I suggest looking up Bruno Mars' song, Grenade, on YouTube.

I've always known it as the Superhero Complex, but others might know it as the White Knight Syndrome. Regardless, due to my love for superheroes and comic book characters, I'll stick to my superhero complex.

Having been raised by a bunch of girls in middle and high school because of figure skating and speed skating, I was always thought to think of the girl first. If an older sister started complaining about her guy problems, chances were that little Matthew was sitting around for the girl talk. These talks always ended in the same fashion. "Matt, when you date, or hell even if you're not dating the girl, always think of her first. Treat her like this *insert random situation here*." Thus began the rigorous conditioning of being taught to always hold the door for girls, do nice things for them and more. Call it my hero or knight training if you will.

Things like these seemed harmless at first. Whether you want it to or not, and more often than not, feeling develop. Especially as we grow older, thoughts and desires to enter into relationships, date, and court people get stronger. You would think that with age comes wisdom, but our actions end up becoming more and more misunderstood. As much as it sucks, I guess things get to a point where you need to pull in the reigns and kind of cut people off or out of your life. Now, I'm not saying to ignore them, but if you feel like you're leading them on unintentionally, then maybe you gotta kill the complex a little bit for their sake and your self preservation. For me, I'm starting to realize that I need to focus a lot more. It's like a sister told me this weekend, "You can't save everyone."

Maybe the key is to focus on certain people? Your best friends, your family, maybe the person you're interested in? Instead of spreading yourself thin and wearing yourself out so much, maybe what's needed is to focus on whats right in front of you. It'll cultivate richer relationships in those areas and hopefully growth emotionally, and most importantly spiritually.

I guess it's time to focus, and be a little wiser (yes I mean that in the GCC context). As we enter into the next stages of our lives, I think focus is something that's needed, especially for me. I can't continue to be like a loose cannon trying to do all these things. I'm no Superman.

P.S. I just love this photo and thought I'd share it. And for the record, any girl that would allow this at a wedding is the coolest girl in the world. I wish I could do something like this. Just saying! :P

Pushing the Button

I think I'm getting soft. I was just telling someone that I'm used to doing things my own way and not caring too much about what people think about what I do, or how they react, and then I proceeded to say I wouldn't blog something that's been on my mind for a while because I didn't want to offend anyone. So thanks to that little wake up call from a certain friend (let's just call her Jenny), I'm going to write to my hearts content.

When things get bad, we usually tend to take inventory of whats good and bad around us. Whether its clutter in our room and stuff needs to be thrown into a box and trashed, bad habits that need to stop, unhealthy relationships with friends and family, or just self reflecting in order to try and improve ourselves, we look around and inside ourselves. We take a peek at whats helping and whats hurting us and the process begins.

Cleaning up is hard. You see this HUGE mess in front of you and being to plunge headfirst to tackle the problem at hand. Sometimes we bite off more than we can handle. We get discouraged by the amount of mess, and stop. Sometimes we just let it sit there and let the mess revert to what it always was or what it was before. Just a ... mess. We can't let the comfort of the past slow us down. If something needs cleaning or fixing, then just clean or fix it! Growth doesn't take place by just sitting in the past and staring at it half contently. Just keep swimming! The change is a good thing. Even if the planned change doesn't work out, the fact that you attempted it and continue to constructively look for ways to better your surrounding, or you yourself, the change is good.

NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER. If something is hurting you, you don't sit there and let it continue to pain you. You fix it. If something is broken, the obvious course of action is to repair that broken piece, and if that fails, then you replace it. Sometimes the new thing is completely new, without a hint of any past presence being there. Sometimes, its just a modified past that is making its way to improvement. Regardless of the two, it's still something new. New is always better. Whether its a change of pace, attitude, motives, friendships, or relationships, if it's not helping you, then something internal or external needs to change. New is always better. We CAN'T let the comfort of the past stop us from evolving. We HAVE to push forward and keep questioning things in order for us grow. Much like our walk with Christ, we CAN'T let ourselves grow content in some of the ruts that we are in.

So push the button, let's get going. You deserve it. Push the button. New is ALWAYS better.

Starry Eyed

I have a confession to make. I've opened up my blogspot pretty much every day this past week, clicked to a new post, started typing, then closed the tab and go back to doing whatever it was I was going before. I guess I couldn't just get a grasp for what I wanted to say. Staring blankly, as my fingers hit the keys, nothing seemed to sound right, or have much meaning to it. I felt kind of like I was just writing to write, and when I do that, I don't feel very accomplished because its like crapping out a paper in class just to get it done.

For those of you who know me well, you know that it has been until recently, the majority of this month has been a living hell for me. So many things, that I felt like it was time for a change of pace, scenery, or whatever you want to call it. I kind of retracted into myself just to do some reflection and recharging, and for the most part it's been good. I'm enjoying the quality time with friends, the jam sessions, the tennis, the talks, the climbing of roofs, the fooding, and the dancing has all been great fun. I guess its the combination of these activities, and my extrovertedness that's bringing me back to life so to speak. I'm so blessed by the friends I have too. You guys know who you are. Whether its saying that a tornado wouldn't stop you from visiting/ catching up with me, making owl noises/ being awesome and ridiculous, or even just rambling on about different things into the late hours of the night after I said I was going to bed two hours ago, its the little things that make me so thankful for you guys. You truly are making my summer so far :).

I'm totally stealing this from someone's blog post, but for the rest of summer, God willing of course, this summer is going to be all about me. Time to reflect, regroup, let loose and figure out where to go from here. I kind of have a vague idea of what I want, but hey you never know. It'll just have to play out. Time to stop blankly staring, and look forward. The ice is melting, time to flash forward and get moving... and oi this shall be fun! :)

Bring It In

It's time for me to bring it in. It's a very vague statement I know, but it's something that's been on my mind for a while. You can either agree or disagree with this next statement, but I feel like I'm kind of a floater. I can't stay in one place for too long, and its very true with the people I associate myself. I mean, I definitely have my close circle of friends and what not, but when I think about it, I've always been the kind of guy who was more spread out in terms of being social instead of solely focused on one group or a few certain people.

To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, I'll have to take you back to high school. In Chicago when I was in high school, I was a competitive figure skater that would spend about 3-4 hours on ice, 1-2 at the gym, and go to class every day. On top of this schedule, I somehow managed to play tennis my freshman year, participate on the chess team, play in the ping pong club, and somehow land myself in detention for finding my way up to the roof of my high school.

In Jersey, I was doing track, serving/ playing on band for youth group, playing chess, in the business club, in the Christian club, all the Asian culture clubs, and still had time to play hacky sack with the kids outside after school was out ( Don't judge me! Hacky sack is awesome!).

I've always been able to kind of mingle with numerous groups and get along with people, and while it's been awesome getting to know so many different people and to experience so many different things, there are definite downsides. While I get to surround myself with so many things, there is no commitment to that one group, and thus some of those BIG and AWESOME moments are lost on me and I never got to fit into just one group. It's sad sometimes hearing your friends talk about an awesome time and then they ask how come you weren't there. Please note that this isn't me saying that I feel not included in any way or form :P.

I guess, I've been spreading myself thin in so many different directions these past years, and now I'm realizing that I have people who are more prominent and important in my life, and that I should bring it in (get it? :P), and focus on the time spent with these people. I still love meeting new people, and experiencing new things, but it's definitely time to refocus and balance some things in my life. So let's bring it in :).

P.S. this choreo is sick!!!!

Something Epic

So, looking for a job in the middle of summer, when all you want to do is play definitely sucks. I know I posted a while back about what I wanted to do this summer. Those are the plans, the tangible goals or expectations I set / want for myself this summer, or want to tackle with you guys :)! HOWEVER, in attempt to aim beyond that to something really vague, I want these things, or these hang outs, meet ups, or random bouts of froclicking to be something epic. Not epic as in, "Dude, we were totally gone last night" or something that is super funny or stupid, but one of those things that define the time that you spent together. I'm having a little trouble trying to describe this fully, but the best picture I can give you, would be to those of you guys who watch How I Met Your Mother. Ted's always aiming for those stories that you can always tell, and that you'll always remember as you and your friends get older. I want some good old clean fun, that, aside from God, defines your relationships with your friends.

So in the romantic spirit of summer, whether its fun, stupid, random, here, or somewhere far away, cheers to aiming for something epic these next few weeks ;). Let's make it memorable! (in a good way :P)

GAME ON!

*tangent* this video/choreo has been stuck on my mind all week. I love this song, and really want to learn this piece :D

There and Back Again, and Again, and Again

Bonus points to the nerds that get the title of this post!

I finally am able to blog here, HURRAY! After traveling around China for about two weeks, I am back in Hong Kong, for a few days before heading home! There are two things I've been dying to blog about over the past weeks and I've had the words written out in my head for a while. I'm going to tackle this in two posts, starting with my trip :). Pictures will come later because I'm on a public computer and can't hook my camera into it nor is there wifi here so I can't upload from my iPad. ANYWAYS...

Here's what I've been up to. I left Philly on May 8th after finishing all my finals and projects, and headed to Maryland. From there, I left to DC on the 9th to pick up my sibling, and connected to JFK airport and had a 5 hour layover. From JFK, I went straight to Hong Kong :D! After chilling and shopping there for a few days, the chaos began. We left for Shanghai after three days in HK, and proceeded to one of the craziest tours I've ever been on. For the next week or so, I got to explore a different city almost every day. I forget the order because I don't have the itinerary on hand. So in no specific order... Shanghai, Suzhou, Nanzhou, Hangzhou, Wuxi, Wushan, and Nanjing. There I got to experiences LOTS of food, sights and shopping. Jade, pearl, silk, tea, and clay factories. It was all really cool to see. Each night we got put up in a nice hotel with awesome views too! :D The last leg of the tour was the best. Our group got to climb up Yellow Mountain, which is the place they filmed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and the view was amazing. It was supposed to rain but instead I was blessed with clear sunny skies and got to take some AMAZING pictures! Coming back from Yellow Mountain sucked though. After coming down from the mountain, we proceeded to take an overnight train back to Shanghai. It was a twelve our trip, and the train SUCKED! It was really cramped with no air, so I was bunking with my three cousins, and the bathroom was one of the worst I've encountered while being here.

Luckily after that, things started looking up again. We spent two days in Shanghai after that, just shopping around on our own before heading to Guangzhou. By far, I love Guangzhou food the best and the shopping there was awesome. Touristy things aside, the most memorable part of being in Guangzhou was the 72 Soldier Memorial. I don't know how to say it in Chinese so don't judge me :P! While the memorial itself was interesting to see, it was the meaning behind being there that was the most important. In 1949, my dad's parents left China to come to the States. They had to go to Guangzhou to get their papers in order and file them so they could leave the country. Upon stopping in Guangzhou, my grandma and her parents and siblings took a picture at the bridge in front of the 72 Soldier Memorial all lining up from oldest to youngest. The picture was their last time together in China. With our ten family members present, we reenacted the picture with the people there. It was so cute to see my grandma and great aunt happily crying and thinking about all the things that have happened since they left China and came back. It was really touching and moving :). Anyways, that was yesterday, and now I am back in Hong Kong for a few days before heading home. While this trip has been awesome, I am super homesick and am ready for all the fun times to start with all you people that I miss dearly! There is dancing, food, drinks, and pictures to be had!

Second Post that's on my brain is to come soon! :)

Operation: Summer 2011!

WARNING! THIS IS MY MOST FAIL BLOG POST IN TERMS OF GRAMMAR! DONT JUDGE ME! :P

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what up annapolis, maryland! (view from outside my room :D)

I just got to maryland this afternoon and am heading out tomorrow morning to hong kong for three weeks!!! expect tons of pictures of amazing places, beautiful views, and any random crap my cousins and i find amusing along the way ;).

i get back June 1st then its back to philly a day or two later for a fashion photoshoot! (woot woot! jenny im expecting you to second shoot with me :P). after that its all up in the air! i have two things on my mind for summer. 1) find a job 2)bucket list. since i dont wanna bore you about job details and i dont really want to talk about it, lets get to the exciting bucket listing for summer 2011!!! :D

- wedding choreo! pretty much done tho
- oflow/ami choreo!
- summer oflow!
- put up my photography website :D
- dance dance dance
- koresh koresh koresh!!!
- tennis
- jam sessions on the art museum steps!
- take lots of pictures! ( aside from random shoots, i kinda need guinea pigs for
photoshoots! let me know if youre interested hehe)

- read/write more

- explore new restaurants and shiny places

and to end summmer...!

- chicago in august with jojo for my cousins wedding and to see family :)

PEACE OUT UNDERGRAD! helllloooooooooo summer! lets do thissssss!

P.S. if youre in philly for summer, lets meet up! :)

One Way, One Love, One Word

If you had to pick one word to describe your relationship with God, what would you pick? I'm not saying to define God in one word. Just that one word which describes your relationship with Him. Pastor Barry had us do this at a leadership meeting once. He gave us a little list of words, and we had to pick out that one word that stuck out to us the most. Among the list were words like Savior, and Healer... to be honest this exercise was done about two years ago and I don't even remember any more of the examples than those. For me, the word on the list that spoke to me was Deliverer. God, the Mighty Deliverer. No matter how grim, or down I have been, and no matter how deep down in a hole I've been, God has always delivered me to where I needed to be.

For the early part of my life, I grew up in the church. My parents definitely did well to raise me as a good Christian son. VBS, Sunday school, church camps, the works. I wish I could say that I was one of the popular kids back then, but the fact was, I never was. I was the kid who got picked on constantly. I hardly had any friends, couldn't hold a conversation for the life of me, and was always looked down upon. I was the kid that got picked on in church, out of church, the kid that got rocks thrown at him at the bus stop, and the kid who would rather spend recess beating his teachers at chess instead of playing kickball. Not gonna lie, I look back at life and wince. It sucked... hard.

But God blessed me with other things and I still thanked Him everyday. As a kid, I was very athletic. Soccer, Tennis, Track, Swimming, and most importantly Skating. I guess some of you could say that I had the rocks coming my direction because of the Skating. I figure skated, and speed skated, and at the time speed skating wasn't a well known sport, and even today figure skating is considered a girl's sport. While I faced hardship at school, and in church, my parents still raised me to ignore the haters because God loved me and blessed me with many other safe havens. In this case, it was my sports.

I loved to skate, and it soon consumed my life. I'd get up at 4:45am, goto practice and skate from 6-8am. Head to school late because I had special permission to take less classes so I could train. Instead of leaving at 3pm like all the other kids, I was exempt and was allowed to leave at 1, only to head to the gym, spend 2 hours lifting and running, then back on the ice for another two hours before heading home to do homework and repeating this schedule. Pretty soon, I wasn't going to church. Instead of going to service, my parents would take me to the rink on Sundays so I could practice more or catch up on rest before doing it all again the next week. I was training 6-7 days a week and it was exhausting. This was all at the raw age of 14 and for the next few years, I started forgetting to thank God for the blessings He had given me, and forgot about Him completely.

As I left middle school and entered high school, I got to see more of the bullies that used to pick on me at church. I hadn't seen them in years, but I still hated them for all the trouble they caused me as a little kid. In between class periods, I would try to avoid them in the halls because I could see that they wanted to approach me. Finally, one fateful day... they were successful with catching up to me. I winced at their approaching, thinking I'd just get some crap from them or something for being a skater. Insert some joke about wearing tights here, throw a gay joke there... anything, I was sure that I was ready for it, but I wasn't. They came up to me and asked me why I hadn't been to church in a long time. And said I should come out to youth group. I was shocked, they were being nice!

God is amazing, He changes others and it definitely is transparent. And no matter how far you run away from Him, even if you think you are rebelling and running far far away, He's just delivering you to your next destination. I was truly a lucky teenager. I had my skating, got to travel all over the place to train and compete, and when I was home, I had my friends, my youth group, and was just starting to get noticed by girls. Eventually I stopped skating because of injury, but I kept thinking about how good my life was and that I could do this forever. Turns out, forever was not that long. My dad received a new job that required him to move out to the east coast. To NEW JERSEY of all places... what the heck is in New Jersey I'd ask myself. I hated my parents for taking me out of my comfort zone and throwing me into some foreign environment. The little kid who got rocks thrown at him was scared to move somewhere new. He was emotionally unequipped to do so and in no way shape or form was ready for it.

It was at that time at a retreat, my eyes were opened to the story of Joshua. Joshua was in charge after Moses, and constantly Joshua would cry to God that he wasn't ready for this change, and every time God would tell Joshua, that it didn't matter if he thought if he was unprepared because God has His master plan and we don't know ourselves what we are capable of. So after yelling at God a little bit about how much this move to the east coast was going to suck, I grudgingly took the leap and left my little bubble.

God is my Mighty Deliverer and I am eternally grateful for all that He has placed in my life. As I got to my new life in Jersey, I was greeted by a complete stranger who offered to help me unpack my new house. This kid turned out to be my best friend. As I settled in a new church, I was greeted by a sea of friendly faces all curious to get to know me. One face in particular stuck with me and she and I became great friends as well. She's now my girlfriend :).

God has delivered me to many great places. The college I'm about to graduate from, the church I am always being blessed by, the dance ministry in which I worship Him freely, and my friends and family. I could talk to you about drugs, rebellion, and a bunch of unhealthy relationships, but that isn't what my testimony is about. It's about God who is always there no matter what, delivering me to where He wants me to be. Like Joshua, I'll never be ready for whatever trials ahead, but I take comfort knowing that it's all for His glory, and a part of His plan. He delivers, time and time again.

God can move us in amazing ways...so what are you waiting for? Let Him.

I Live to Overflow, I LOVE to Overflow

Like Chan wrote for FM, I think you guys are probably going to get sick of me writing about O-Flow so much. Anyways, OSHOW- Perspectives is over and we get a break before tackling Esperanza (I think?). The battle leading to O-Show was tremendous this year, and in some ways it was much more intense than last years battles. Maybe I say that because this year I am lucky to get to help lead Overflow, and I see much more of what's going on behind the scenes, but I am so thankful for my O-Flowers and especially thankful to God for making this happen.

I know a few of you guys who read this aren't believers and also that some of you are new to Christ. This isn't me just giving thanks because thats what Overflow is. Yea, we dance, we skit, we act and tell stories all for God's glory, but the reality, and I firmly believe this, is that O-Show would not have happened without His power and grace.

Last year's Overflow was 20 strong. At the end of the year, when we reevaluated our numbers for next year, only 7 members were able to stay on board. We all prayed unceasingly asking God to do what He wished for us. Whether it was to stay small and just do guest pieces like we used to, bless us with a new O-Family, or maybe even convict us to attempt a 7 man O-Show. As the leaders met up this summer to discuss and pray for Overflow, we really hoped that it was in God's will to bless us with more members, and out of faith in Him and hope for more members, Perspectives started getting sketched out.

Come fall term, we were blessed to have Harold and Yue come back to us (<3) and we began working on our piece for Intro Night. Our "Light of the World" piece, which was originally designed for 16 people, had to be condensed and remade for 9. But hey, God was faithful...nine definitely beats seven.

The following weeks after that were interesting, we scheduled to have our intro meeting two weeks after intro night, but right after intro night, we had people approaching us and asking us about Overflow, and by the time the intro meeting actually landed, the room was PACKED. Any O-Flow veterans who've been to intro meetings, I promise you, the number of people who were interested was INSANE. And I don't mean it was just the nine that were added to our nine veterans...I'll say it again... it was PACKED!

Numbers weren't our only problem though this year. With Overflow being half new members, only one freshman (Dan Leung) and having no senior class (Dave, Andrew, and I do not count as seniors), how could we really whip the noobies into shape, and get them siked for the amount of work to come? Last year, O-Show was something every member wanted, and those that were veterans last year... well.. let's just say we wanted an O-Show for a very long time. This year, half of us were struggling to figure out how to meet our expectations from last year, and the other half were getting frustrated, not knowing what we were working towards, and what OSHOW would bring.

We had so many issues to face, and cards on the table, we fought through A LOT of it. Whether it was out and in public, or behind the scenes, we were frustrated most of the time. I honestly believe that if it was not for His work and intervention there would not have been any show this year. He put this together, He brought us together, and He kept this together because we could not.

Pastor Dave said something at last week's service that resonated with me all throughout this week as we prepared for the show. He was saying that Satan attacks not only when we're weak, but at times of praise and worship because that's where we're at our strongest and were together. Satan wants to cut us down when were strong and together. P. Dave was saying we can't let that get in the way of our praise.

So that's why, we sing harder, we pray harder, we dance harder, and we love more. This is why we Overflow :)

[Prayer] O-Show Countdown 12 days

For any of you guys who have put on a show, or performed, or competed, I think all of you can agree that the few days or weeks leading up to the event is terrible. Anything that can go wrong usually does go wrong, and if it doesn't... well it usually is the calm before the storm. I don't know if this is the case for some of you, but I firmly believe that in these times, we are under spiritual attack. In Overflow, I can't help but feel like we are being distracted or tempted to be lead astray from worshiping and praising God with unburdened hearts and at full throttle. Maybe it's the stress or the lack of sleep and the consistent bed time of 5am, but I can't help be a little negative and short tempered. I think a lot of us who are preparing for upcoming events feel the same thing. Thankfully for me, even though I've been negative or been stressing over a lot of other things, Lent has been a great. I've been spending more time in prayer and doing devotionals. It's been keeping me grounded and sane.

Amidst all this chaos and confusion though, there has also been a lot of blessing through prayer and fellowship. Whether its God placing images or things in our heads and we have the same convictions, or even if its a strung out sister who has so much stuff to do yet still thanks God for Overflow every day, I can't help but feel blessed to be where I am. It's one of those invincible feelings that because we have Him, nothing is going to stop us from working our hardest over these next 12 days to dance for Him with reckless abandon.

Pray Unceasingly

Lent

I'm getting in to this habit of posting approximately once a month. It's a terrible habit and I definitely need to fix it. By not having posted something in such a long time, my thoughts get all jumbled up and I don't know how to organize and articulate what I really want to say. Lucky for me, I am frustrated and discouraged enough that my mind hasn't wandered off too much.

Looking back these past few years, I have never really challenged myself with lent until this year. Maybe I have challenged myself in the past, but in comparison to this year, lent is definitely much more difficult. In past years I've given up caffeine, anime/manga, eating past a certain hour and some other things. Thanks to a brother, I challenged myself to add something to my life instead of taking things out of my life during lent. The mentality to this being that by challenging myself to increase my devotional time each day, the extra things in life will naturally be filtered out or eliminate themselves in order to stay disciplined and keep to my lent promise. It's been working great and I am truly loving it. However, two days before lent I was also convicted to give up drinking. By no means do I go crazy and go drinking all the time. What drinking usually entails for me is meeting up with a few friends and close brothers and catching up once a week. We share and blow off some steam and its usually a relaxing time.

I was pretty discouraged by some of my brothers tonight. They were aware of my giving up drinking for lent, and knew my convictions/reasoning behind doing it. Even so, tonight as I got dinner with them and caught up, and the idea of going to the bar was brought up, I decided that I would not go so I would not even be presented with the temptation. Thankfully, I have my best friend keeping me accountable and reminded me that going home was definitely the best idea. However, the thing that really irked me was that my other brothers literally tried to drag me with them. I just found it really discouraging that brothers who know what is going on in your life, consciously decide to tempt, distract, lead you away from your convictions.

Accountability is only as strong as you as a group make it. Please in the spirit of lent and fellowship, if you share what you're doing for lent with a brother or sister, keep them accountable and remind them to stick to their convictions. Don't be that person who is trying to lead someone astray. Were supposed to be sacrificing things during lent to remember what God has done for us, and as I'm finding out, it is really hard to do. Don't make it harder on your brothers and sisters.

1 Corinthians 10:13

Song

So I don't know about any of you guys, but I can only listen to certain music depending on my mood. Lately I've been having issues finding a song that I enjoy listening to while at home, or on the train to class or wherever I'm off too. Usually if I can't find a song to relate to, that means one of two things:

1) My music library needs to expand more

2) I don't know what mood I'm really in

It's taken two weeks to finally find a song. It's like comfort food, or cake for the fat kid. Finding the right song is just comforting. The lyrics feel like their being spoken right to you, or they are lyrics you can see yourself belting out in the shower on your own. Finding those songs for whatever mood you're in is such an intimate thing. It leaves you with some additional comfort that there are other people out there who feel you. :) yay for music!

ALIVE!: A Prelude

So... I haven't written anything in a month. That's surely a bad sign. This past month of silence has been rough. I've been sick twice in three weeks, stressed with constant applications, burdened by so many thoughts and things, and NOT laying them down before me like I should be. In many ways I have been off the grid this last month. To those brothers and sisters who I've neglected, and to those whom I have responsibilities with, I am sorry for you having to pull extra weight, but I am back. Maybe I was just a little out of focus. Regardless, I want to focus on the retreat that most of you guys who read this are going to tomorrow. I don't know about you, but for once, I am actually going to retreat seeking things. Aside from the basic definition of retreat and the need to just get away from the world for a few days, I need Him to stretch me once more. As I've been going through applications and sorting out what is going to happen to me after I graduate this semester, I feel God tugging at my heart asking me "Who's kingdom are you building up? Yours or mine?"

It's a tough question. It makes one reevaluate everything they have and what is going on in their life.

I know whose kingdom I want to raise up, now the thing that follows is "God show me in which ways I build up my own kingdom, and let them be broken down and rebuilt so that I build up more of You and less of me."

So I ask you, what are you going in search of? It's more than okay not to know or have something you are searching for. Like I said, this is the first retreat in years that I'm going to where I actually am searching for something.

Retreat is in fifteen hours. BRING IT! :)