Love and Family

So break is totally going NOT according to plan. Not enough reading, not enough writing, and a whole lot of nothing. I told myself I was going to try to write something here every day and its been ten days since my last post. My last post was me telling myself that I'm going to get something done and here I am in fact, NOT DOING IT. But I digress, while break may have been completely unproductive this far and I'm going back to Philly this weekend, it isn't to say that I've spent break thus far without learning anything.

Small update, I'm finally back on the east coast after having been in Chicago for a week with a small visit to Wisconsin somewhere in there. Heading to North Jersey to see family for what appears to be a boring New Years yet again :(. And then it's off to Connecticut to see more family then I'm getting dropped off in Philly on Sunday on my parents' way home to Maryland.

So back to the core of this post... I REALLY love my family! And I do not mean just my parents and sister but my extended family as well. My parents told me an amazing story about my grandparents and to be honest I could not help but break down a little bit over it. For the early part of my life, my mom's parents raised me so my parents could work. Not only did they help raise my sister and me but also my two cousins because our moms worked together. They definitely sacrificed a lot of time and energy to make things work so our parents could provide for us. The day of my eighth grade graduation, my grandma passed away and so my grandpa was on his own. Over time his health has consistently grown worse. Multiple strokes have rendered him unable to move most of his body and his memory is not always there.

So my mom was telling me how hard my grandparents worked to provide for their children ( my mom/aunts/uncle). My grandparents always encouraged the attitude of give everything for your future, and in this case when they were talking, they were talking about their kids, and respectively when telling this to their kids, they meant me and my cousins. I have always considered myself blessed with a lot of great things in my life but I always assumed that aside from God they all came from my parents. When my grandma passed away, she passed out her inheritance to her children. She had one desire for the inheritance though, and that it would go towards the grandchildren. All the hard work my grandparents put forth to make ends meet was actually in order to see their grandchildren do well. Basically, my grandparents are paying for a part of my college tuition and expenses.

That completely humbled me. Sometimes it is sooooo easy to get wrapped up in our own work that we forget what are working for. My grandparents obviously knew what they were working towards, and to see my grandpa immobile in a nursing home eating through a tube, and barely coherent because he is heavily sedated just broke me. The guy that I was looking at, who because of so many strokes, hardly remembers me, yet gave me so many things, opportunities, and blessings.

That brings me more towards the present. My cousins and I are so blessed to have our grandparents who did so much for our parents and us. In this spirit of the Christmas that just passed, it has definitely reminded, and brought us closer together. I love my family <3.

Cousins <3

BREAK

So this break, there are a few things I want to get done. A list of sorts if you will. I hope I will actually stick to this a lot more than the list I made last year. I still have two books unread from last year's winter break sitting on my bookshelf... I should get on that. But yea, anyways here it is.

- Work out a lot more. I know this is a really undefined goal. I would say work out everyday but I'm going to be travelling a lot. So until then push ups and sit ups everyday until I get back to Philly where I can definitely work out everyday. :)

- This one isn't as much of a goal as it is a deadline... FINISH CHOREOGRAPHY!!! Or better yet... start choreography. Thank you Karen for offering to help! Love you long time.

- Pick up the guitar more.

- Read at least two books. Don't know which two, any recommendations? I'm not limiting myself to two, but at least two would definitely be nice. :)

- Write and articulate my thoughts in a well formed way. So I was looking at my drafts on this blog and there are actually a lot of incomplete posts that I have just left to sit and rot. Even though they may not be applicable to what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling right now, I want to finish them and try to retrace where I was going with the thought. I think that'll be an interesting little task this break.

- A small goal. To NOT do nothing for New Year's Eve. Last year my entire family fell asleep at 10:30pm leaving me with NOTHING TO DO!!!

- DANCE MORE. Definitely more Koresh when I get back to Philly. Who's with me!?!

- While this list is subject to change, this is my last one for now. I need to recenter myself in Him. I want everything I do to be clear in motive that it's for His glory and honor and praise. I know that sounds vague but I just want to clear my mind of issues and problems and focus hard on God coming in to this new year.


Now how about you? What do you plan to do with yourself? :)

So Maybe..

So maybe I've grown...
Calloused, cynical, selfish, tired, annoyed, curious?


So for a little while, I'm just going to stand here and not make a move... and see what you do.

How are you going to respond? :P

Love, Love, Love

This weekend was GOOD :) and after all of that, it made me think about the things in my life I'm thankful for.

I LOVE skating. I know I don't really keep up with it anymore, but everyone has some kind of emotional release and for me skating is still IT. I love just riding on my edges and cutting through the ice. Go fast, turn left. I LOVE IT :D

Late night talks. Whether it's the random phone call in the middle of the night, or the random pulling over to the side of the road and just talking about WHATEVER!! I love it.

I LOVE my friends. Even through serious stuff, or if were just doing whatever, I love the fact that I can just talk, or not talk and just sit in silence or find comfort in them. I'm really thankful for you guys, and I don't think you really know how much I love all of you :) :) :)

I LOVE my 2010. You guys are truly awesome. Even though we don't always hang out and even though we all hang out in our different groups, it was truly amazing to see all of us come together like we did tonight with the freshman and just spend time together as a group.

I LOVED this Sunday's sermon. Time to apply it and keep moving forward.


Happy studying and good luck with finals guys :D

Stick to Your Guns

Let me open up my head to you for a little bit so you can see what thoughts are occupying my head at the moment instead of working on this term paper...

Relationships seem to be all the talk lately. Who likes who, who is dating who, who is and isn't talking to who. All that jazz. It's kind of funny how every time this season comes around I get caught in parts of it whether I want to be in it or not. Every time, I find myself re-evaluating where I am as a person and where I am with God. I think back to the high school graduate version of me telling myself that I wouldn't date until I could sort out my life, and while I've had my fair share of distractions, I can say that I stuck to that I would not date rule, even though some of the reasons for this vary.

Each time one of these moments happen, I always search for a lesson to be learned. Whether it's as simple as THAT KIND OF PERSON IS BAD FOR YOU! or something that I learned about myself, I manage to walk away with some food for thought.

While I've been digesting on quite a bit of material regarding relationships recently, one thing stuck out to me as of late. A girl was saying to someone I know that he was TOO NICE, and that if he wanted to find a girl he should just be more of a jerk. That's one thing I'll never understand is the female fascination with the bad boys haha.

And while sure I can see it landing a guy a few dates, I don't think that's gonna land him in a place he wants to be. The thing I've come to realize this weekend is that no matter what, I'm going to stick to my guns. When I talk about relationships with people, especially GCC heads, a lot of them always bring up Pastor Barry's relationship seminar. And while I definitely think what P.Barry taught was REALLY REALLY good and informative, the seminar that sticks out to me the most was the one that took place a year before and was given by Pastor Fred. Can you lead, provide, and protect? (Sorry girls, this was one of the guys seminars so I don't have anything to offer you but a chance for you to pick my brain :P)

Actually, as I think about it, I take back what I just said in the parentheses. Guys, ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself about it. Girls, ask yourself this. Can he lead, provide and protect me? Obviously as college students there's only so much provision in terms of physical things but in regards to spiritually and emotionally, think about it. Maybe I've become too calloused and reserved in terms of relationships, but sometimes taking a step back and looking at the big picture instead of rushing in is the best thing to do.

Call it feeble minded, lacking initiative, or whatever you wish but I'm sticking to my guns. Lead, provide, protect. Just think and pray about it, and if you're on the fence about something relationally, why not aim for it?

It Says What It Means

I'm so bad at listening to my own words. I hear all the times I've given advice go through my head to slap me in the face as a reminder and I can't follow through on the words I've given others. It's interesting in a self critical and hypocritical kind of way. My brain feels like rotting. After this week all I have are incoherent random thoughts to post. Sorry guys for the lack of content.

Things I'm looking forward to:
-Alice in Wonderland
-Sherlock Holmes
-Final Fantasy XIII
-Dante's Inferno
-Winter Break
- there were a few books but I lost my reading list =\

----------------------------
-Okay time for sheer randomness:
-Apparently my lack of giving attention to people because my life got busy warrants hatred.
-When someone asks for honesty... they don't really want it?
-Pick up your phone
-What are you thinking?
-My toilet broke while I was gone this weekend... thanks guys/girls? o_O
-Full Measure was awesome this weekend. Great job guys! :)
- <3 Overflow. You guys are awesome!
-Twice I've gone up to people thinking I know who they are, only to find out that
they are complete strangers.
-I'm sorry?
-For some reason I love Ecclesiastes... I wonder what that's all about.
-I really like the Choco Cat charm I bought for my cell phone.
-I have a term paper due Weds. and I'm listing random thoughts on blogspot instead of thesis ideas.
-Reciprocate PLEASE. I don't care if it's good or bad. Just do it! NIKE haha
-I need to pray more. Do you have any prayer requests? Let me know!
-Goo Goo Dolls "Let Love In" album is AWESOME. ( yes I know it's four years old)
-I need to find more studio time for choreography
-I need to dance more.
-This weekend was very very bittersweet.
-Where are the cards I ordered? I'm ready to start playing in tournaments again.
-I hope my new deck idea works :D
-I love cheesy humor. Just watched Get Smart for kicks.
-Chima this Friday for lunch? Let me or Dave Seok know. We need to plan/ make reservations.
-It's 2:30 AM and I'm still full from dinner at Cheesecake Factory today.
-Thanks for hanging out with me this weekend, when I needed to get away for a little bit. You're a lifesaver. Thank you thank you thank you.
-Congrats to the new GCC members!
- Two more days of class till reading days.
-Let's GO ICE SKATING!
-This list is getting long and my eyes are getting sleepy. Good Night! :)