So after a little discussion, I started looking back at things I wrote in the past. Not in the past as in the almost year that it has been posting on this blog, but on Xanga from years and years ago. I started Xanga in 2004, and I was a sophomore in high school so you can imagine all the posts I went through and the amount of time I spent in self reflection. I didn't get that far because it was late and I fell asleep, but two posts dating up to before I entered college caught my eyes. One was a survey I took to answer questions about myself to kill time and tell people about myself, and one was a Thanksgiving post from junior year of high school and I was giving thanks to people in my life.
I think I'll start out with the Thanksgiving post because I feel like it's less meaningful. Basically I was posting and saying how I was thankful for this girl that I knew. It involved things like "your cute cute face," "your witty remarks," and had something to do with how they "relieve me of pain and stress." Looking back on this I thought of two things. 1) WHAT ON EARTH (besides a female's aesthetics" WOULD COMPEL ME TO SPEAK LIKE THAT!? and 2) WHY CAN'T I TALK TO GIRLS LIKE THAT ANYMORE?!?
It's mildly amusing to me at least that the questions go in different directions. The answer to both though lies in these past four years. In a random string of words I think this is the answer. Times change, people change, I matured (hopefully?), Church, GCC, have a different sense for respecting people of the opposite sex? I think that would be about right.
The second post that caught my attention was from senior year of high school after I knew I was going to be going to Temple. The question was:
"Where do you see yourself in the future?"
My answer was:
"Off to Temple for 4 years and then Law School"
LAW SCHOOL?!? Since freshman year and having to take classes regarding law and the type of studying I had to do for the class, law school has turned me off. To be honest I have no idea why I wanted to go into law. Considering how fast these past three or so years have gone by, I find it amazing that my heart and the things I want have changed so much. In some cases, this little epiphany scares me as well. Four years ago I had a plan, a place I wanted to end up, with a goal, objective, and hopes all lined up. Here I am now, four years later, not wanting anything to do with that plan, having some of the same hopes, and having no idea what the future is really going to look like. Compared to the International Business Administration, and Marketing double major on his way to law school, who thought he knew what was in store for him, the current me seems so weak and brittle.
I guess the follow up question for myself is "What changed?" While there are a few virtues I still hold dear to me, a lot of other things have changed, and while I know God has played a big role in these years in college, there has got to be something in me that has changed and the fact that I can't pinpoint it, bugs me. It's scary and exciting where these next years are going to lead me and what else might change.
More on these virtues and things later. :)
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