Four Years and the Plan

So after a little discussion, I started looking back at things I wrote in the past. Not in the past as in the almost year that it has been posting on this blog, but on Xanga from years and years ago. I started Xanga in 2004, and I was a sophomore in high school so you can imagine all the posts I went through and the amount of time I spent in self reflection. I didn't get that far because it was late and I fell asleep, but two posts dating up to before I entered college caught my eyes. One was a survey I took to answer questions about myself to kill time and tell people about myself, and one was a Thanksgiving post from junior year of high school and I was giving thanks to people in my life.

I think I'll start out with the Thanksgiving post because I feel like it's less meaningful. Basically I was posting and saying how I was thankful for this girl that I knew. It involved things like "your cute cute face," "your witty remarks," and had something to do with how they "relieve me of pain and stress." Looking back on this I thought of two things. 1) WHAT ON EARTH (besides a female's aesthetics" WOULD COMPEL ME TO SPEAK LIKE THAT!? and 2) WHY CAN'T I TALK TO GIRLS LIKE THAT ANYMORE?!?

It's mildly amusing to me at least that the questions go in different directions. The answer to both though lies in these past four years. In a random string of words I think this is the answer. Times change, people change, I matured (hopefully?), Church, GCC, have a different sense for respecting people of the opposite sex? I think that would be about right.

The second post that caught my attention was from senior year of high school after I knew I was going to be going to Temple. The question was:

"Where do you see yourself in the future?"

My answer was:

"Off to Temple for 4 years and then Law School"

LAW SCHOOL?!? Since freshman year and having to take classes regarding law and the type of studying I had to do for the class, law school has turned me off. To be honest I have no idea why I wanted to go into law. Considering how fast these past three or so years have gone by, I find it amazing that my heart and the things I want have changed so much. In some cases, this little epiphany scares me as well. Four years ago I had a plan, a place I wanted to end up, with a goal, objective, and hopes all lined up. Here I am now, four years later, not wanting anything to do with that plan, having some of the same hopes, and having no idea what the future is really going to look like. Compared to the International Business Administration, and Marketing double major on his way to law school, who thought he knew what was in store for him, the current me seems so weak and brittle.

I guess the follow up question for myself is "What changed?" While there are a few virtues I still hold dear to me, a lot of other things have changed, and while I know God has played a big role in these years in college, there has got to be something in me that has changed and the fact that I can't pinpoint it, bugs me. It's scary and exciting where these next years are going to lead me and what else might change.

More on these virtues and things later. :)

Family

Yes...I am posting twice in one day. Don't know why, but I felt compelled to write a little bit.

There's something really comforting about family. I can't really describe it but homely. That being said, it sounds really basic and pointless but maybe that's just because you might not understand where I'm coming from. While I love my parents and my sister, sometimes being family is rough. A lot of you can sympathize there I'm sure. My parents are unrelenting, and always asking questions about my life. The friends I have, my school work, if I have a girlfriend, and even sometimes asking if I washed my face and eat something for breakfast. When I say unrelenting, I mean, they call and talk to me everyday to the point where sometimes I feel like I am being suffocated and get really frustrated. This is just from living a state or two away from them while I'm at school. When I'm home it definitely gets worse at times.

The point is, today was and is absolutely miserable. I had a midterm which surprisingly went well I think, and a lot of group work in which one of the guys in my group dropped when we were already underhanded, and another where apparently no one has the motivation to do work, leaving me fuming here in the tech lab trying to get something done while contemplating dropping the class because I refuse to do work while other people get the credit this entire semester. (I've already done a report for all of them once to save my grade.)

But enough venting, the point I'm trying to get at is this. Today my mom dropped off my sister back in Philly at school and took a little detour beforehand to pick me up after my midterm to take me out to dim sum, then drop me off at school again so I could me with my group (or the lack thereof.) On the way back to school after eating I passed out in the car for maybe twenty minutes, and in all honesty, that was the best twenty minutes of sleep I've had in a long time since school has started. Mind you I'm sitting upright in a car, and it was an amazing twenty minute nap. I guess there's a comfort in letting your guard down, being vulnerable, and just knowing you have your family there for you even though you guys might fight, bicker, and argue nonstop. But today I guess was a reminder that home really is where the heart is.

I'M ON A BOAT!

Haha. I wish I was on a boat right now. Sadly, I'm stuck in the library cramming for an English midterm while worrying about the report that is due at 5:30pm today wondering if my three other group mates have died because no one has answered my calls or emails all weekend. And as of right now I refuse to solo another five person report thats 10 pages long during my break. But yea, my parents finally got a sailboat and I can't wait to go home and take it out for a ride. I really wish right now that I was not at school, but somewhere else sailing off somewhere. My dad is in the red testing out the boat. The boat won't be named Orca anymore. I think my dad was pretty set on naming it Hosanna. Pretty witty eh? It does have our last name in it haha. :) Anyways, happy midterming guys!




P.S. The boat is a lot bigger than the picture makes it out to be. You can seat six people where the two guys are standing. ;-)

Superheroes

So far here's my take on life this semester. It's lonely, it's busy, and full of so many things that need to be done but for some reason I'm stepping back instead of up. Maybe it's just the group of people that I associate with but this fall seems kind of depressing. Even some people I know who are in relationships are still saying how lonely this world is. As I was reflecting with someone earlier last week, I realized that even though it seems pretty lonely and depressing right now, I'm not alone. I don't mean this in a profound religious way because in my case God will always be with me :).

I think all of us have our own superheroes that are with us. I'm not talking about our childish fantasies of the Justice League or our local policeman and firefighters, but the friends that we have that will be there for us when we fall flat on our faces. Even though a lot of us are busy right now and drowning in our own work and issues, there are those superheroes who I know would drop their stuff and come save me, and I would do the exact same for them. It's a comforting feeling thinking about that, and it's something that has shown me how grateful I am for the friends and company I've been blessed with, and I'm sure you know who you are. If not then I have issues conveying that and I need to thank you more.

My challenge for those of you guys who are reading this and have been feeling that lonely fall depressed mood is that you should think of who the superheroes are in your life and find comfort in the company God has blessed you with. Sometimes the thing to cure those bad feelings is really close by (wow that sounded really really sappy). :)