ALIVE!: A Prelude

So... I haven't written anything in a month. That's surely a bad sign. This past month of silence has been rough. I've been sick twice in three weeks, stressed with constant applications, burdened by so many thoughts and things, and NOT laying them down before me like I should be. In many ways I have been off the grid this last month. To those brothers and sisters who I've neglected, and to those whom I have responsibilities with, I am sorry for you having to pull extra weight, but I am back. Maybe I was just a little out of focus. Regardless, I want to focus on the retreat that most of you guys who read this are going to tomorrow. I don't know about you, but for once, I am actually going to retreat seeking things. Aside from the basic definition of retreat and the need to just get away from the world for a few days, I need Him to stretch me once more. As I've been going through applications and sorting out what is going to happen to me after I graduate this semester, I feel God tugging at my heart asking me "Who's kingdom are you building up? Yours or mine?"

It's a tough question. It makes one reevaluate everything they have and what is going on in their life.

I know whose kingdom I want to raise up, now the thing that follows is "God show me in which ways I build up my own kingdom, and let them be broken down and rebuilt so that I build up more of You and less of me."

So I ask you, what are you going in search of? It's more than okay not to know or have something you are searching for. Like I said, this is the first retreat in years that I'm going to where I actually am searching for something.

Retreat is in fifteen hours. BRING IT! :)

Winter Break. /Reflect

This by far has been the toughest winter break and Christmas holiday I've ever experienced. For those of you guys who I have spoken with, thanks for being there for me and hearing me out at a time like this.

My uncle, Martin Low, passed away this past Christmas Eve from a massive heart attack. None of us saw this coming and were quite shocked when we got the call. Martin left behind his wife and two daughters who are the same age as myself and my younger sister. You can imagine the toll it took on my family. Martin was the same age as my parents and he was gone in a blink of an eye.

It was amazing to see family rush to each other at a time like this. East Coast, West Coast, same town, or a couple states over... all my aunts, uncles, cousins and close family friends dropped everything they were doing on Christmas Eve to either rush to the ER where my aunt and two cousins were, or to the nearest airport in this ridiculous snowstorm to get to Chicago as soon as possible. In such a sad state, it was such a blessing to see how strong love really is, especially on Christmas Eve.

Although the past few days have definitely been an emotional roller coaster, it made me take inventory of the things I value most. My family here at home, and my other family in my other home. My best friends, girlfriend, big brothers/sisters, little brother/sisters. I know I said I want to overflow more next year, and I want to add to my resolution that I learn to love more. You never know when something can disappear, and should try to cherish it as much as possible.

For my own sake, I'm leaving what I wrote into the guestbook for my Uncle here. Just a little something to remember him by for myself. I hope you like it. :)

"I do not know how I have managed to remember something like this but I do. When my family and I still used to live in Illinois, our neighborhood was next to Alyssa, Alex, Auntie Jane, and Uncle Martin's. There was this occasion where I was angry with the babysitter so I decided to run away. I hopped on my bike and jetted straight for the Low house because even if Alyssa and Alex weren't there and I had no one to play with, Uncle Martin would be.

Uncle Martin's comic involvement in my social life reached an all time high when my mom and Hilary were staying in Chicago. At that time, he had just learned how to text message. Whether I was talking on the phone with my mom, or it was just my mom sharing what was going on in my life, I was one of Martin's texting guinea pigs. If my mom and I were having an argument or debate, he would text "Listen to your mother!" while I was on the phone with her or on more poorly timed occasions he would text to ask me about a girl and inquire the date of the wedding when the aforementioned girl was in possession of my cell phone and intercepted the text.

With an exception for my dad, my family has a knack for crashing on the Low household. Hilary and my mom lived there for nearly a year, and I spent three summers there. THREE SUMMERS! I'm really surprised Uncle Martin didn't get sick of me. If I was him, I definitely would have gotten sick of me. Instead he would joke that he was lucky because he would have all the perks of having a son with little to no hassle. He didn't have to worry about my schooling, and whenever he saw me talking or hanging out with a girl, he would never have to give me one of those father/son, man to man talks. I will sorely miss Uncle Martin and his comic insight in to my life."

Choreo... Why I Overflow

So I've actually never used my blogs to target a certain group, but I felt like writing this here instead of an email. To my dearest OverFLOWERS, I hope you read this, and can see through me a little bit more. To those of you reading this who aren't in Overflow, I hope you guys get a little understanding for why I Overflow for the Lord.

Overflow isn't just about the message in the piece that we life up to God, and hope others will hear and digest. Dave has said this a dozen times, and Jason before him, that Overflow is more than a ministry. It's a lifestyle. While we pour ourselves out through dance to worship God, we should also be pouring ourselves out in our families, church, friends, relationships, work, and whatever else it is that we do.

People inside and outside of Overflow have said that we've become more performance driven, that we are more DANCE and less MINISTRY. While I partially agree with this statement, I agree from the point of view that we as a ministry needs to spend more time in prayer. Some of you guys have said we don't spend enough time in prayer during practices like we used to, and I am sorry, and I promise we will definitely be spending more time praying together this upcoming year. But... that should NOT stop your relationship between prayer and Overflow. This lifestyle is 24/7. It doesn't mean we just pray and Overflow on Mondays, Saturdays, and on stage.

It's tough, I promise you that. And any on of the leaders will tell you that we have the hardest time trying to continually embody this and were sorry if you catch us in one of our down moments. But back to the point, While some may say that Overflow has become more DANCE than MINISTRY, I don't see the difference. It's not just about the messages that we want to send through our skits. While Overflow definitely aims to embody family and fellowship, there is a personal level to it. The dance is our personal worship. Every move, every angle, every isolation... we should be pouring out our utmost for His highest. Every time we do a run through or learn a dance, it's more than motions in which we learn or rehearse. Every single time we do it, it's worship. Think about it like when you're at a revival or even Sunday service, where we yell with arms high and hearts abandoned... that's how I feel about Overflow. Every single thing we do, should be because God fills us, and we pour out.

That brings me to choreography. I love choreography. You could have asked me last year about it, and I would have told you I'm petrified of it and that I will NEVER do it. That it's really scary and that I'm really nervous about how it turns out or how people will view it. It's not about that though. I love choreography because just like how we pour ourselves out into learning the dance, I throw all my energy and every inch of my body into worship. I find so much joy (lee? :D) from choreography. It's like free flowing body worship that I get to share with you, my brothers and sisters in Overflow, and you (you guys that watch us and support us).

All this being said, this is my new years resolution. That no matter how dry I feel, that God will continually use me to OVERFLOW and pour out in to others and in to whatever it is that He has planned for me this upcoming year.

O-Show Choreo COMMENCE!

P.S. Mark it down in your calendars. O-Show is April 9th, 2011!!! Be excited and please pray for us! :)

A Day Living in Maryland... (With No Sailboats =\)

It's amazing how while I do not consider Maryland my home, I still end up crashing when I get here. Without fail every semester for the past three semesters, I have came to this house and end up passing out for 10 hours at a time with 3+ hour naps. To me home is somewhere I find comfort, and without a doubt that is Philly. I have people who I find comfort in, a church that I call home, and many other things. I guess it's such a blessing to remember that, while I fight and bicker with my parents, and yell at them to stop smothering me, and all these other ridiculous things, I still find home in my parents.

I visited my parents church today for the second time in two years. I guess I really don't come back and visit them enough. It's so easy to tell that my parents are lonely without me and my sibling going at it and trying to kill each other for the last snack in the fridge. The first two things my mom said to me when they picked me up from the train station were "Zip up your coat," and "Buckle your seatbelt." Man... I really felt like I was in the fifth grade again.

But I digress, back to visiting my parents church today. It's a really nice church... although, I don't remember the name. The pastor was really nice and he came up and shook my hand. We spoke for a good 10-15 mins about where I goto school/church/ stuff about Philly. I loved the message and what he had to say. He was speaking about personal relationships. Relationships with our spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, close friends, and most importantly God. It was a reminder message that in a personal relationship, the more personal the relationship, the less control you have over yourself. So the more intimate we become with God, it means we are giving more of ourselves

While I am really enjoying spending time with my family, and even the really laid back and spoiled lifestyle here, it's already been a day and a half, and I'm missing Philly. I think this break is reaffirming that I don't want to come back here after school is over. I need a city with more things to do, places to be, and people to see, be it Philly, or wherever God leads me.

Boundaries: In the Spirit of Finals

So I asked Pastor Dave a while back for some recommended reading that I could do in addition to my devotionals and something I could go through with Jo. Out of the list he gave me, we decided to tackle Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend together. Cloud and Townsend talk about the different types of boundaries and for the sake of this post, the one I want to focus on is time.

"Taking time off from a person, or a project, can be a way of regaining ownership over some out-of-control aspect of your life where boundaries need to be set."

Further into it, Cloud and Townsend bring up how investing time into people and projects are usually a good thing, over dedication can lead to obsession. Stepping away to regain control of yourself in terms of your identity in people or project is needed.

Ecclesiastes 3:5-6

"A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing."

This is my feeble attempt to set a boundary for myself so that I am not overwhelmed by the one hundred plus pages that need to be written by the end of this week. My time to regain a little sanity and spend it with Him, and not talking on the phone, sitting in front of GChat, or playing a game of Starcraft to get my mind off things. A sister reminded me earlier this week during Overflow practice how easy it is to lose ourself in our studies and not in God during the season of finals which is ironic because its almost Christmas.

I encourage you guys to try setting a small boundary for yourself as well :). Five minutes out of a study break or something. Good luck with finals and/or prep for them! We're almost done guys!

Gobble Gobble Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving guys! Thanksgiving is so different this year. First off it is a lot louder, and there are grade schoolers running around my living room chasing each other with turkey on their forks. Second, what used to be just my family and one other family has turned into 18 people in our house with a majority I don't know. Yea, I'm a spoiled brat who wishes for some consistency in my Thanksgiving this year haha. Regardless, I am still really thankful for a lot of things and people this year. I know a lot of them don't read this but hey whatever, I just want to put it out there! :)

Family- I love my family. Parents, sibling, cousins, the whole nine yards. You guys are awesome, and together we make such and awesome team hehehe.

O-Family- My other family! I love you guys so much. Our crazy hail week practices, our random outings. Karaoke at karaoke or karaoke in the car and serenading the girls while we drop them off at their dorms. We are truly awesome and I love every moment we spend together whether I'm really cranky in the morning or we're just being completely ridiculous and wacky. You guys bless me in so many ways and I don't think I tell you guys that enough <3

The Tripod!- I think we may have sprouted another leg this year but regardless, I love you guys. Our Halo-ing, our random talks, and stupid things that we do. You guys got my back even when I'm completely stressed and out of my mind. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. You guys are there at all times!

The Tasty Noms Crusaders (real nickname pending)- haha we only just started having our dinners, and our random midnight movie premiere outings, but I feel a need to list you guys in here. You guys are the part of life that keeps me sane during school/stress/whatever is bugging me. Cooking, splurging on food, getting fat, and watching movies. It's a feel good kind of thing we got going and I love experimenting with food and sharing food/ conversations/ our lives with each other! :D Let's keep it going!

The Joon- I love you man. I legit love you no homo. We've been through so much and I love how no matter how much time has passed we always call each other to keep up and share. I know you always got my back no strings attached.

The Meena- My confidante. Meena I love how we just have our random conversations all these years and how we find joy by living through each other vicariously at times! I'm so happy I've gotten to see so much more of you this year. It makes me happy that we are able to keep up with each other more :).

The Cabinet- Haha you guys know who you are. You guys are my advisors, and some of my closest friends. We talk all the time about everything and nothing, and we share prayer requests. You put up with my random rants, and we watch each other grow as time goes on :). I cherish you guys a lot for the talks we have and the time we've spent jamming, watching shows/movies, totally bumming around. :D. Love you all!

and saving the best for last!!!!!!..

The Girlfriend- haha yes I am a sap and I am mad cheesy for putting you last on this list, and yes, I already have told you today how thankful I am for you and why I am thankful for you. Jo, you're are one of my best friends and we definitely have been through a lot together. We've seen each other at our best and our worst... at least so far hehe. I love the way we can be completely honest with one another about pretty much anything. We are pretty freaking awesome <3.

... okay I'm not completely done.

A Prayer of Thanks.

God, You've been moving like crazy in my life this semester. Yea there have been a lot of rough patches but I've definitely learned so much this term. I've learned about You, about me, and my faith, and what I need to do to grow and evolve. Recently, You've taught me a little more about how to stress less about life, and my relationships with others and that as long as I single mindedly (<-- yes I realize that's not a word.)and whole heartedly look to you, You will deliver me from whatever is bothering me. You constantly deliver great things in to my life and You deliver me from evil. I love you.

Amen! I hope all of you guys got fat and can't move!

Send Me A Sign, A Hint, O Whisper

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!!!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control!!!!

More and more, I find myself going back to the basics. Someone called me out on it for not growing because of reviewing it, but I think there's always something more by going back and listening to what He has to say each time :). There's so much uncertainty and doubt in life sometimes... scratch that... ALL THE TIME. Our school, work, relationships, and future... whatever it may be. Somewhere deep down, it eats at all of us and for me it bugs the living daylights out of me.

When I start to worry about things, my mind kind of kicks into overdrives and starts snowballing.

Why am I so impatient?

What is going to happen next?

Why can't I just be the better man and love this person?

Where do I draw the line?

Why can't I just be a little more understanding and sympathetic towards others?

How come I feel really selfish when I'm being told otherwise?

How come there are so many contradictions going on in my head?

All the little things look so big from down here. And yea I sound a little neurotic but as I prayed, I felt like God was smacking me upside the head and telling me that I'm not asking for the right things. "Try again," He says. Sometimes whats necessary is the basics so one can rebuild oneself within Him. Character revamp lets go!