When We Get There

It's kind of funny. Have you ever thought about how much you want something and when you get it, it is nothing like you expected? Well today was definitely a big smack in the face. For a while, I've been thinking about relationships and dating again. I think a lot of us have been there. The whole, searching for that right person phase. And to be honest, it's been tough trying to forget about thinking about that kind of stuff. With school, work, and family, thinking about a relationship should be far back in my mind. But with new phases in life come new influences in life. For me it's my old/new roommate and his girlfriend and her roommates. I love them all to death! But they're all dating. Playing the third wheel day in and out just gets you thinking about who's important in your life. But at the same time, relationships are a bittersweet thing. While some couple overwhelm you with their sappiness and mushyness, they still fight. Just being around some of the fights and seeing how trivial some couple arguments are make me see relationships in a totally different light.

Moral of the story? The grass is always greener on the other side. (P.S. I totally butchered what I learned in summer class. I was told not to use cliches >.< ) P.S.S. I was looking for this MV all day. It's from Fooly Cool (a.k.a furi curi, a.k.a. FLCL) which is my favorite anime. Watch it if you ever get the chance! I also love the song for this MV. It's Last Dinosaur by The Pillows

Speak / Tell / Provoke/ Ask/ Confess

Sometimes I wish my guitar could write my feelings and thoughts for me. While there are times where one can truly tell an audience how they feel through music, the split second where all your pent up rage, frustration, curiosity, pain, suffering, love, joy, and *insert more random feelings here* release into your instrument, is hard to capture for others to see.

I honestly wish I could pour out that moment to let you know everything in my head. Maybe I'm just too defensive, or too shy to actually let that out and pounding my hand through 6 strings really fast is the weak way out. Or maybe I'm just really bad at explaining myself. Maybe I'll dig up that lyric journal I had from way back when and take a shot at writing songs again. Guess its time to get cracking.

It's like the song I linked below. I don't care for the song too much but I love the chorus.
"I've got 76 inches and 88 keys to get me where I want to be, it's not enough, it's not enough, it's not enough."

Where were we..?

It's been almost three months since I've touched this thing. I guess it's a good thing because I didn't blog during finals and what not but on the other hand, not writing out my thoughts and what's been going on isn't necessarily healthy either. Let's see, in the past three months what has gone on in my life? I've repaired friendships, reestablished contact with people who used to be of great importance in my life, had one of my most academically sound semesters without compensating happiness, finally have a new place to call home, and had my fair share of epiphanies. You could say I'm definitely a lot happier than I was compared to when I originally started writing on this blog. For the three months that I haven't poured my thoughts into this blog, I will start back up with these three thoughts.

LOVE
I start with love. Not love in the sappy, hopeless romantic kind of way but just loving unconditionally. With the patching of relationships comes the awkwardness that follows and learning to love through it has been hard but it has definitely has shown to be worth it. The hardest love lesson I've had to deal with has been family this semester. With my mom's chemo treatments and my dad's constant body aches, my parents haven't necessarily been the friendliest people and it's definitely understandable. I'm not saying that I don't love my parents, but learning to love through things like this is definitely a struggle that I usually run from. God has definitely shown me love and that it is not easy no matter who it is friend or family.

UP
Great movie, I highly recommend it! I know it was a kids movie but the story itself definitely hit me hard over the head. The lesson learned was that it's not about getting there but about how you got there. The part of the movie that really hit me was how Carl was so desperate to get to his destination that he did not stop for the people around him. He was so single minded that by the time he got there, he was all alone and those around him had abandoned him. By the time he got there he realized that he missed all the experiences along the way. When decided to turn back, he couldn't take off because of all the things weighing down his house. I feel like this is something I struggle with. Staying grounded because it's safe and because I refuse to let go of things in order to take off. This summer, I definitely need to do some house cleaning so I can let God lift me up.

COMFORTABLE
I think somewhere along this path during college I forgot a part of myself. It was a fun part of me that i definitely enjoyed and a part I got to re experience at the beginning of summer. I think that I've become so accustomed to the way things are and just accepted them that I let it change me. I need to stop thinking about these petty unwritten rules and stop over thinking. Aside from cleaning this summer, I think that I need to push my limits again and step out of that comfort zone to fine that adventurous part of me.

Time to be spontaneous. Time to bring back those other things that made me who I am. Time to be daring..? Who knows. We'll see as summer continues.